I have a weird relationship with my motherland. She banned my religion, I chose to live somewhere else, but I love her, and love the people. And I make money, out of my love for them.
Buddha Sis called to tell me what happened and assured me everything is fine. I don’t know how Shifu managed to think everything is fine. They were being blocked there. Millions of people that used to listen to their teachings, now would need to learn how to use a VPN that can’t work smoothly 50% of the time. The last time it happened with my Mom’s Shifu. I was shocked. My mom was in a retreat. She is much more calmer than I expected her to be. She is so advanced in taming her mind.
Everybody is, except me.
In the call, Buddha Sis then asked me how I’m doing, with work, with relationships. I told her we were over. She is the only one who truly believed that I’ve got a “boyfriend”. How interesting. The other people who knew about us, more or less knows it was only a weekend fling.
“It’s not there anymore. We’re done.”
“You already ended?” She sounds smiling when she said these. “I thought he is a buddhist?”
“No, he is not. We work in the same industry.”
“Oh yes, but you met him when I asked you to meet Shifu there, right?”
“Yes.”
Exactly. That’s how it started. That’s why I was tricked into this “God’s will” kind of belief. If that strange trip was never so strange, I probably will like him less.
Sis sounds extremely chill. She said, “You dumped him, am I right?”
Somehow people on the outer circle of my friendship membership always think I’m sensible, positive, and forwardlooking 100% of the time. So I’m assumed to be making the right choice before things go sour.
That’s right about me. From the outer circle too.
I always make the “right” and sensible choice and regret it for one year but can’t really change anything. All the situations are too complicated.
Someone living in another country, with a Japanese girlfriend whom he took all the way from Japan?
Someone who really want to hire and help me, well maybe flirt as well, but I just don’t want to join his business even though I fancy him a lot?
Someone who grew up in a cult family, built everything by himself, came to this country from the other side of the world, wanted to find a cheesy & happy girlfriend and stay, while I was miserable, lost in thought, and supposed to leave and study abroad?
Someone who didn’t even finish college studies, suddenly fell in love with me with his gorgeous styles and crazy stories, chased me all the way back to our city, while sleeping with somebody else?
I’ve got a “red-flag” curse.
I’m only attracted to dangerous and impossible people.
But somehow, magically, the moment when Sis said, “You dumped him, right?” I felt relieved.
I can’t say no. Because it’s true.
But I was hurt.
I still am.
If not, why would I send him a toilet golf kit for the birthday? He asked, why not surprise me? Oh come on, I don’t like to be surprised by people that are not supposed to send me anything. I suppose I’m on that list? Or should I just send you anything and waiting for your girlfriend so say something, or nothing she could say?
Because you’re not single! If I answered this, he might think or reply, but you didn’t send anything blatantly claiming our more-than-friends relationship!
I bet even if I do, he would still be happily accepting it. He doesn’t care. And stereotype Japanese women are supposed to deal with it.
“Because if you hate me, it won’t be from me.” I replied.
This answer doesn’t make sense. Or maybe, it makes a lot of sense. It means, I want you to know it’s from me even if you hate it.
I want you to remember me, even if I’m not talking to you anymore.
Yes I dumped him. Buddha Sis said, “You must have!” She sounds happy.
She sounds happy most of the time. Like all the other buddha sis do. But in general, she is extremely happy because Shifu assigned her a husband.
She unleashed me. I was calmed down. Then I realized that, everything started because of her. Because she called me that day, saying, you have to travel to this event and meet Shifu.
Now she believed that I took good care of myself. She believed that I must have moved on.
Wow, this is finally putting to an end. By the same person who started it.
Even though for months, I didn’t pick up her phone calls in time, nor did I finish any requirements from her. She sounds happy for me.
I hope I can be like that.
As I start again, having doubts about my relationships, my religion, the only thing that I would still believe is Shifu. If one day Shifu would give me a husband. I’ll happily take it. No matter who he is.
And I’ll never leave Buddha Sis.
maoa 