Monday, in my PJ and dim lights, I finally stepped one toe into the career that I know at some time I’ll spend the rest of my life working on —- angel investing. I listened to two well-dressed eloquent Russian classmates presenting their Chatbot project on Zoom. One score up.
As I thought I had given the best of my thought into it without any preparation, my friend J —- the middle man of this meeting —- said, please shorten your sentences. Be succinct. One score down.
Tuesday, in a smoky bangkok barbecue house, I consulted a winery – an industry I’ve always admired to join – on their offers to sell wine in China online. We checked forecast models on spreadsheets with the smell of smoky ribs. On getting deep into the conversation, she said, wine industry is lucrative. Two scores up.
Wednesday, all of a sudden, by inviting him to a Zoom meeting, I realized that I now have a boyfriend. I prepared the meeting so well with an agenda, prerequisites and disclaimers. Otherwise I might not have known.
It was a happy conversation. Ten scores up. But as I’m summarizing now, I’m drown by my incapacity with ambiguity in relationships. As the exhileration is over, why doesn’t he want to meet me over the weekend, or simply text, or simply tell me what he is up to? Is it my fault?
At least eight scores down.
Insecurity is my own issue to deal with. Maybe I’m somewhat stupid and dogmatic with relationships. I’ve tried to minimize the fantasies and hints under certain moments of “feeling in love”. The relentless imaginary plots arising like clouds before storms. But I still feel tremendously puzzled. So I tried not to think about them.
My friend commented, no you’re just inexperienced. You fall in love drastically but you’re SO inexperienced in a relationship. It’s cute! This contrast! Two scores up.
Plus, you like weird and extreme guys. Usually very smart. She added.
Thursday, I made my way into a group consisting top VCs and companies interested in meeting them. One score up!
I made my first move by introducing myself and my company in front of 370+ total strangers. My heart was shaking when I clicked “enter”. Then I heard my Boston BFF shouted at my ears: Be a proper grownup! 0.5 score up, maybe.
Friday, I got 15+ VC contacts. Some even said, “waiting for your proposal!” Six scores up!
Plus I met my first gynecologist. She thought I’m overly nervous so she asked me if I’m a virgin. I said no. She said, do you hate gynecologist. I smiled and couldn’t reply.
I’m just scared of them. One score up with doubt.
Saturday, a friend’s friend came to our place and he was constantly talking for 9 hours straight until all of us were tired. Maybe one hour of it was worth the time. And another hour was worth the food, another hour for the champaign. In general, I wasted 6 hours with him (if one hour of friction time was included).
But the only one hour we’ve talked about, he gave me extremely precious ideas about how to strategically write my business plan, which might be even more valuable than 7 hours of talk with any other person who won’t be interested in this. Hard to tell.
This one is a double-edge one. Maybe one score up because I’m a positive person. Or at least I tried to be.
But I ate too much on both Friday and Saturday following the strong emotional upheavals. Gained 1kg after that. Five scores down.
Sunday, I went out for a jog around 8am. With a mask. Didn’t feel overly suffocated. Three scores up! And tried to continue reading On Writing Well after the call with friends. Two scores up.
Now I’m trying to write something as a summary of the week.
Even though my personal relationship is a huge step forward but still pendulates, I’ve made big “mental” progress on two important personal goals in life: investing and writing. Plus some tiny ones.
A week of positive 15.5 points, with significant lack in romanticism.
Let’s try better next week.
maoa 