As I was trying to remember the name of this life hack blog he once sent me, I referred back to our whatsapp chats. To my surprise, I had no inclination to read anything I’ve sent him or he has sent me. I went directly to the links section, had a glance at his alluring profile pic, found the link, and quit whatsapp.
Then I don’t want to read this blog anymore. I want to document this moment.
The orchids he gave me is absolutely dead. I gave up two days ago. Since our so-called broke up, everytime I lay my eyes on the tsundere flowers, I feel something different. Something is evolving. I know it is evolving to the right direction, ebbing and waning, on and off. But I kind of wished I had more time to remember them. The tiny clicks. I might miss his lips one morning, and disgusted by the way he talks about beans.
It just doesn’t matter anymore.
This might be the fastest time I’m coming out of a relationship. I think I came out of 3, actually. I still had feelings for my previous crush when I met this one, and I had feelings for another boy while dating this one. Now I’m over all these three.
What a progress.
This sentense can be used to describe my entire year of 2020.
What a progress.
As I’m moving into the phase of setting up the company culture and whatever it is related to emotions, happiness, image, values, I realized that I’ve created something that as long as it survives, it will share the name with me.
That’s why it has to live. Live long and prosper. Longer than a lifetime. So I can be proven. I can be proven in this world that I’m not really buying. I don’t obey the rules but I know when I could break them, when I could only play under them.
A completely new feeling for the world.
Besides romantic relationships, another milestone is the relationship with my co-founder. I’ve tried so hard to motivate her, crush her, elevate her and squeezed her to be the kind of co-founder I wanted, while she was doing the same to me, but in a much delicate and milder way. Now we both gave up. The only solution possible for another scale-up.
I guess this is it. The thing that suits all relationships, is to give up trying to change the other and see if it is still possible for you to get comfortable together. Don’t try to change them. Nor yourself. Change your perspective.
Can’t wait for 2021.
maoa 